Conversations with Myself

Am I the only one who talks to themselves? And by talking to myself, I mean ALL the time. I don't even notice I am doing it until I'm in public talking to fruit about how yummy they are and I start to get the look. If you're crazy like me, you know the look. A man or woman (maybe both) slowly tilting their head towards you trying very hard not to make eye contact as fear they may catch what I have. What is it I have? Is it insanity or the love of my own voice?

I like to think its the latter even though I hate the sound of my voice. I just like to talk. I like to talk so much that I am guilty of never letting anyone else talk. What is that you say?!? Oh, who cares, you want ME to talk? Very well. That is what I hear any time I am in a conversation with someone. So I do, I take their advice they didn't give and I talk. Over them, under them, beside them and then some.

Why do I like to talk so much? I like to think I amuse myself and other people are boring. Oh, c'mon- they are. You know they are. For example, when I talk - people laugh; and not that kind little polite laugh, I am talking tears down the eyes, pee in the pants kind of laugh. You know the one. (just admit it, you sometimes pee your pants). Who doesn't really? Babies do it, people with bladder problems do it, mothers do it and old people. So who does that exclude really? People with no bladders, thats who.

Sometimes I fear my incessant talking is a form of tourettes. Although I don't have sudden outbursts of profranity, I do offend people quite often and am not censored. Isn't that what people with Tourettes do? They offend people. They do! If you were standing in line and behind you someone yelled "big, ugly, yellowbutt donkey" you would be offended. I am not less offended when I find out they have Tourettes. I am more offended because why are they yelling at me? Carry a mirror around and when you have an outburst, hold it up and look at yourself. Now, Im not offended as they were not talking to me. And on a side note, it would be a great way to get those daily affirtmations in.

So next time you see me in a store saying "nom, nom, nom" to the fruit, just pull up beside me and join in, and when you do, I will hold up a mirror and say "Big Ugly Yellowbutt Donkey."