Lesbians for Dummies

My work relationship with my boss is not the most appropriate. Not that I am going to take any fault for this. On a daily basis I remind her that she is inappropriate as is her behavior, to which I get giggles and inappropriate comments back. So life at the workplace goes on. As our department ever so dwindles down to nothing (as to my liking) our department as a whole has become quite inappropriate as consumed with all women.

We are all educated, mature women- not that you would guess this having a conversation with us lately. As we all gather into my bosses office for our daily story telling time (which is usually me telling some absurd story) this one happened to be of a wedding I was in and this unusual woman from Alaska who had a southern accent. Why did she have an accent if she was born and raised in AK? Was she from the southern part of AK? I was perplexed by this. And so the discussion ensued. I became so obsessed with this I said "I think she thought I was a lesbian."

Later that evening as I was e-mailing my boss I get an e-mail back saying "no more lesbian comments, I think X employee is a lesbian." To which I replied "Did I make one?" This shows my awareness at work. The next morning sitting in my bosses office she explains to me the ridiculous reasons she thinks X employee is a lesbian.

• When she smelled my perfume she smelled my neck and not my wrist
• She is a roller derby girl
• She has short hair
• She is unmarried and has a dog

Wow. Isn't SHE full of herself!?! So apparently if you are over a certain age threshold, single, have a tolerance for dogs, possibly got gum stuck in your hair and had to cut it, and like to roller skate due to a nice child hood memory - WATCH OUT- you are a lesbian! Thank goodness I never liked short hair on me.

Our days have now become filled with a lesbian version of 'wheres waldo'. Who can get the lesbian out of the closet first. Does she like pink or blue. Purposely bringing up "partners." Standing maybe a little "too" close to see if she seems uncomfortable. I think I actually noticed my boss unbutton her shirt a little in a meeting the other day.

Is this what my days have come to? I don't even think she IS a lesbian. And if she is, who cares? By the end of this torture I might be a lesbian. Isn't there a book for dummies I can just pick up?